Generally, cooking is about stealing. Which, of course, doesn’t mean you should storm out of your local grocery store with pockets filled with spuds and squashed tomatoes. What it means is that recipes are pretty much copyright free. And I’m not referring to Jamie Oliver’s books on the Internet which, of that I’m certain, he personally ‘leaks’ himself. I’m talking about ideas for food that seem to roam free the arch-egalitarian cuisine-sphere.
Not so long ago I’ve stolen the idea for a fish stew from a certain cookbook. Yes, I do own said cookbook and I did pay money for it. Still, I was performing a full bodied, two bollocked, and cold blooded, adjective-filled-with theft. And that’s because I’ve read the recipe, cooked the dish and claimed the credit for it.
I’m a very naughty boy indeed.
Let me show you how bad I was on an example. Imagine, I bought a new album of (insert-name-of-your-favourite-artist-here), made a copy and presented it to you as my own work. The fact that I’ve done some minor alterations to the artwork on the cover using a marker pen and not very accurate idea of how moustache should look like, would hardly let me defend my case. Although some could find it mildly amusing it’d be generally hard to imagine I could successfully fool anyone with IQ higher than an average MP. And even they don’t exist in real life, only on TV. Anyway… here I am, with a Portuguese fish stew on a plate claiming it my own. And why would I get away with it?
Because I’m right, that’s why. Because there’s RIAA’s way and there’s Laibach way. And when Laibach recorded Let it Be album they never called any of the The Beatles songs on it ‘cover version’, they called it an original work of art. And I’m a devoted Laibach fan.
It’s exactly same story here. You may follow a recipe like Tony followed His (Texan) Master’s Voice but whatever you cook will always end up just a little bit different, than the same dish cooked but someone else. Or by you but on a colder day. For anyone with enough of culinary imagination for putting some dried tea leaves in a cup of hot water there is simply no way of not adding some personal touches or, over a time, complete makeovers. And especially in a case of a recipe that seems to be incredibly similar whether it’s Portuguese fish stew or Russian fish soup – uha, it’s simply impossible that anyone could ever claim any copyrights. And here we are – the closest to communism on Earth than a man has been since the Garden of Eden. And therefore I command you to steal my recipe, cook the dish and when serve to your friends or family simply just claim all the credits. You’ve got an absolute right to do so!
Here it is:
- carrots (1-3, depending on amount)
- fennel (1-2, depending on size)
- large onion
- leek
- quarter of a celeriac (grated) or two celery sticks
- big parsnip (grated)
- at least one red pepper
- tomatoes (tinned or fresh)
- potatoes
- fresh parsley, coriander
- garlic
- fresh chillies (as hot as you prefer)
- fish (see below)
- fish stock, oyster sauce
- salt, pepper, bay leaves, paprika, cayenne (can replace fresh chillies)
- white wine (optional)
As with all one pot dishes around the world this one allows a fair amount of freedom. The choice of fish is mainly up to you, same as whether to use any seafood or not. Want to use both? Here’s my blessing, child. For a start I’d recommend an easy option. Go for frozen. You definitely want some white, fleshy fish, so nice haddock and cod are perfect. Add some salmon (but not too much, salmon’s got quite a lot of fat and may become overpowering while what we’re looking for is a mixture of ingredients that would complement each other), maybe tuna. I even used tinned once pouring all the brine in as well and it worked just as nicely. The rule of thumb says that you should have at least three different kinds of fish each representing different flavour. And remember not to go over the top with the amount. We’ve got a lot of other ingredients so you’re most likely to end up with enough for the next day as well.
So… we start like 80% recipes in the world, from dicing onion. Can be finely, can be coarse, it’s a matter of taste and overall presentation in the end. Olive oil, deepish pan, cover and we move to the peppers. Wash, cut, remove seeds, chop (here small is better as we leave the skin on) and add to onions. Next goes fennel (wash, chop, add) and carrots (peel, slice, add). Let everything cook under a cover until you see that everything goes soft. Then goes the leek (wash, slice, etc) and cook again for about 5 minutes. After that is time to change the guns for the artillery. Put everything in a deep hob and pour some liquids. Now this will be either dry white wine, dry white wine and water or just water. Wine adds to the cot but even more to the flavour. As for the amount, let’s say that the veg at the bottom account for about 0.3-0.25 of the whole dish. Then we add the grated parsnips and celeriac, tomatoes and cubed potatoes. Now, if you’ve decided to be brave and go for fresh pomme d’oro, you need to do this: drop them in boiling water for about five minutes, cool down and peel the skin of. Squeeze to get rid of the wet bits (be careful here, it’s going to squirt like on an Asian porn movie), and quickly fry a bit with some olive oil. You should get a nice, thick pulp in no time. Add to the soup. Start seasoning (use 4-5 bay leaves) according to taste, but be really generous with paprika. You want red. Red is good. Be bold with fish stock and modest with the oyster sauce. The first one is most likely to be not very concentrated, the latter, very much so. Now, the reason why we must use them is that the fish goes in at the very end and without flavouring before we’d just simply end up with vegetable bullion with bits of fish swimming rather dully in it. Once finished with all that, have a little break until the potatoes re cooked soft. When that happens, simply add the cubed fish, stir well, kill the fire, cover and after five minutes then garnish with fresh herbs and you’re ready to shine in front of whoever you’ve invited for a dinner.
Just remember to cook it well before your guests arrive. The whole thing may easily take up to three hours.
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