mighty mash

The thing is... We all so love to show off. I mean, there's no deeper dungeons of depression and self-misery than a man without admirers. Think of a specimen of patheticness from Sevres and then add some. It's like listening to Portishead while burying all your relatives on a hangover. A depth three storeys beneath Mariana Trench's bottom.

Proper ugly.

And that's why it is so easy just to get carried away. To start bidding higher and higher with recipes more sophisticated and elaborate than Jonathan Ross' attempt to say 'sorry, I am an overpaid git who thinks that can get away with anything'. 

Which is fine by me.

But there are moments when it could just make sense to share some tips on absolute basics as well. 

When I started this blog it all came down to an easy way of sharing recipes with my friends who are just as much interrested in showing off about their cooking skills as I am myself. But then again, since you never know with the Internet, there is a remote chance that one day a completely lost reader that I do not know personally finds this little place and decide to spend a few minutes of his/her invaluable time to read what we're on about. And maybe that person, like my best friend (hi, Kuba!), doesn't even know that he/she can cook really well because they've never really tried since all the recipes they come across seem to be so damn complicated. And that's why I decided to throw in from time to time not as much a recipe as a little cooking help, advice, collection of tips on how to start with something easy. With a little luck, my dear colleagues will follow. And so today I'm going to start with one of the most substantial things in the whole of European food culture - mashed potatoes. And how to make it the best in the world without as much as breaking sweat.

So, obviously you need potatoes and for best result the right ones. If you go to a little high street shop just ask which ones would be best. Your local grocer will surely take a great pride in knowing his/her trade and you simply can't go wrong when following such an advice. But if you shop in supermarkets then simply read labels. There should be an explanation as to which types of potatoes are best for what. When it comes to mash, avoid the huge ones (they're for baking) and little ones (they're meant to be cooked whole or in chunks). Red ones are most likely what you're looking for.

Once you've got them, to cook you simply need to peel them remembering to cut out all the different spots you can come across beneath the skin. Depending on size it's good to halve them or even cut in smaller bits. Never let then dry and even if you peel them to be cooked later always make sure they're kept in some cold water. When your spuds are naked, wash and rinse in cold water and for cooking make sure there's always enough water to cover them. Ideally you'll have 1-2 centimetres of water above potatoes. Always cook in salted water even if your mum never used to do it that way. It may be only one or two teaspoons of salt but the difference in flavour is simply unbeatable. And then you simply boil them until soft. Irecommend trying them with knife. If the blade comes in and you can feel very little resistance, then you know the time has come. Now, here's a point when I'm going to ask you to perform some actions you'd probably never seen to be done when preparing mash. Because you not only need to drain your potatoes but dry them as well. There are two ways of doing that. You can either drain them in a colander and then return to your cooking pot or put the cover on leaving a little gap on one side and drain the potatoes that way (just remember to use some oven gloves!). Then return the pot on the fire (small to medium) and keep going for about a minute or two, shaking the pot vigourously until you can see that the potatoes are dry and start breaking. That bit is absolutely essential if you want to end up with a mash that's fluffy and light otherwise everything would be muddy and soggy.

Time to mash.

Take as much of it as you need. Now, you might have heard from different sources that little lumps in a mash are OK. That they even should be there. That it's a real secret of the trade and that's what REAL proffesionals do. So please, let me explain. These are exactly the same kind of people who would tell you that your newly fitted wall socket SHOULD be hanging on bare wires. That your new front left tire SHOULD be bigger than the right one to compensate a natural tendency of your car to pull a bit to the left while driving. And that nothing else could be done with it, actually and it's a known fact among people WHO KNOW. 

You get the idea, I suppose. 

So, simply as that. Mash equals smooth. No discussion. And once it is smooth we can proceed. 

Put the fire back on (again, not too big) and add an honest knob of butter and a few splashes of milk (although not-so-guilt-free double cream would be much superior) and seasoning. That can consist of little bit of Maggi, some rosemary, thyme, marjoram, parsley. Experimenting is always welcome. Stir everything patiently and if everything went right you should end up with something that looks and behaves like a proper bread dough.

Done.

To serve you can always sprinkle some fresh chopped parsley on top as well.

And if you ever want to try something a little bit dofferent, you can always do your mash without any bells or whistles. Just boil your potatoes as above, mash them and serve straight. Without adding any milk, butter, herbs or extra seasoning. It may sound a bit rudimentary but as for a flavour you might be in for a surprise!